smile . sing . laugh . dream

mmmray @ 2007-05-27T22:18:00

2007-05-27T21:23:34Z

This isn't real, it can't possibly be truth.

Everytime i think of them, i don't believe they're gone. And that their families have this much heartache to deal with.

How can any God take two people in the same week?! It's not right.

Especially Ashleigh - it won't sink in. For all of her best friends...i can't give you anything but the knowledge that everyone, and i mean everyone, feels so terrible for you guys. It's uncomprehendible.

RIP Ashleigh and James.

mmmray @ 2007-04-12T23:23:00

2007-04-12T22:34:24Z

Some people infuriate me, people who act dumb when they have been told exactly what is happening and even helped plan it out or whom i've asked advice. I don't see the point in having an open conversation with one person who helped me figure out an issue, who then acts like they know nothing when asked about it by someone else. Either they've forgotten which makes them stupid or they're playing smart arses to make me look like a fool, and i'm livid about it.
All i want to do is do my job properly...why can't other people help me. It's not like they hate me, hell i'm supposed to be really good friends with one of them. If a complaint comes in, it's my team that cops the blame, and in fairness is it is us, we'll own up to i and apolgise but why the fuck are we made to feel like the baddies when another department messes up. We organise it, not operate it. That's their jobs, but for some reason it's us. For example: we say how a room needs to be set up, when it's not done by the crew, we get them blame. What the fuck is that?!

The pub was rammed tonight, which is great. The farm lads didn't have a great day at the races so left early and it was loking like a bit of a dud, but then Witchaven (Biker Gang) walked in, and you just know they won't be gone before 3am. Country pubs are the best.

Waterloo Road was fabby as always...i really love that show. I can't believe Lorna killed herself, but i think it'll be the start of Tom and Izzy getting back together. That school would be the best challenge as a teacher, i'd love it. All those badass kids with attitude to figure out and handle or help or whatever. So many schools are like that, so it's great they're showing how to handle it...and the teachers personal lives too. They're the real naughty ones!! All sex, drugs and Rock'n'Roll!!!

My flights to America have gone down by £200, which i'm psyched about...booking those as soon as i get paid! Marvellous. But now it's time to crash and burn, i'm super tired. Long day tomorrow! Harriets BBQ, and a possible shit hitting fan eppie with Amy and Hannah. A little deserved from what i've been told, but it'll be interesting to hear their side of the story.

Sweet dreams kids!!!

mmmray @ 2007-04-11T21:58:00

2007-04-11T21:00:11Z

My France job opportunity seems to be getting slightly more real.

And it's making me <big>all happy</big> inside.

mmmray @ 2007-04-11T10:15:00

2007-04-11T09:30:37Z

My hair seems to have taken on a world of it's own, it's gotten so flippin long all of a sudden. Maybe i'll post a picture tonight. It seriously needs a cut and definately some colour, i hate being this non blonde yet non brunette weird no colour, gimme some highlights, gimme, gimme, gimme!!! My friend Lauzy is going to dye it as soon as she gets home, she's not a hairdresser or trained or whatever, but she does the best free hair colour i've ever had.

She's in Africa right now visiting her Dad in Tanzinia. She text me last night actually saying she's helping at an orphanage today - i'm so f-ing jealous, i would absolutely love the opportunity.

It's Wednesday today, which would normally mean Quiz night at Hole in the Wall, but i don't think anyone is up for it today, either because of work or assignments or general tiredness. We've been doing well recently, 1st then 3rd. We're amazing. It's so fun, normally quizzes are a shiloh pitt, but this one has kept us entertained weekly for nearly 3 months. Miracle, right there! We figured out we are actually pretty intelligent when we want to be!

Time for work...can't be late, got Marbella to look forward to before i try and get myself fired!!!

mmmray @ 2007-04-10T19:33:00

2007-04-10T18:35:05Z

a dislocated knee.
brusies all over my arm.
a four hour throwing up spree.
police bail.
and three pizzas.
and it's only saturday.

bestest text ever. ♥

mmmray @ 2007-04-10T18:48:00

2007-04-10T17:57:31Z

I've come to the conclusion that these journals don't really work if you don't post regularly. So i'm going to make more of an effort. I know you're all just dying to know where my life is headed right now.

I spent the past couple of days in Minehead with my boyfriend, meeting his family. And, i actually had a really great time. His sisters are fab - i really get on witht them, and his friends seem cool too. The sun was blazing over the weekend, it made me really happy, but what made me happier was having a beach trip on Sunday. I love the beach more than...more than alot of things!
The only thing that minorly sucked was the traffic on the ride home, although i managed to keep myself entertained by being obnoxious to other irate drivers. :)

Bizzarely enough, i'm also really excited for the United/Roma game tonight. I loathe both teams but, i have a feeling shit will hit the fan when the United fans get hold of Roma's after the stuff that happened in Italy. It's the only way the English fans look like the might get justice even though it's not in the most ethical way.

May 17th - Driving test...Eeeep!!

I think that's it. Oh, but big round of applause to my second Dad. 36 bottles of Tsingtao? You're a machine!!

mmmray @ 2007-03-18T19:09:00

2007-03-18T19:14:13Z

I've come to the conclusion that i can't handle relationships. I can't stand people demanding to see me.

It gets me to so angry when he doesn't understand that i have a career and my friends and my family and a driving test to pass and stuff i need to do for me, and everytime he gets pissy about it, it makes me think that maybe it's better i don't see him.
I know this isn't intentional, but it's like he's playing games. I make an effort to say i'll go and stay, and he's like: 'But you have driving lessons,' and i'm like, 'So, it doesn't mean i can't come over.' And he just fucking pushes and pushes. I can't stand it.

It makes me feel claustrophobic. And right now, i want nothing more than to fight with him about it. Because he's pushing all the right buttons to make me snap.

mmmray @ 2007-03-10T10:27:00

2007-03-10T10:35:43Z

I found something suprising out last night. Two people i never would have imagined, a toilet cistern, £20 note and some of the good stuff. I hadn't expected it. Though it did make a few things fit into place.

10.29am, waiting for my Dad to get here. Apparently he's bought me a handbag from some Italian fashion show he was at yesteryday. I'm excited.
Today, i'm going out to buy pink stationary because some cockweasal keeps nicking mine at work, then lunch with the girls. Well, second lunch. I was thinking i might treat my Dad today, i have a half price voucher for somewhere that needs using haha. Not much is happening, life is plodding on.

The landlord and landlady of my local are in Sri Lanka, and i'm not even and insey, winsey, tiny, little bit jealous. <i>Liar, right there!</i>

mmmray @ 2007-02-10T10:21:00

2007-02-10T10:25:09Z

I'm starting to think all i really have in life is work and friends that are thousands of miles away and it scares me.

Am i turning into that girl? The career driven one with no friends or no life? Ok, so i'll go out and get annialated, like last night, and i have a great boyfriend, but when it comes down to it, i'm a worker. I couldn't tell you who my cloeses girlfriend is - i guess i don't have one.

That's so wrong.

You know what else i noticed? When i got back from camp all my mood icons were positive, i guess that's changed again as time passes.

mmmray @ 2007-02-05T21:30:00

2007-02-05T21:31:16Z

Mika.Is.Genius.

http://www.mikasounds.com/

Click. You won't regret the high pitched singing of this fool.

Strangely compelling though.

mmmray @ 2007-02-05T21:04:00

2007-02-05T21:10:33Z

My boyfriend has gastrorentoritas...or something along those spelling terms. It sucks because he's like, really ill.

I can't speak either, and my gland are like balloons. Combined, we're clinically dead. Ha...

I thought i'd post the below, because i wrote it a while ago...and it sort of seemed like something to base my lowest points on. I'm get concious that whine and moan on here alot and i guess the below are alot of the reasons why. I guess, if anyone does actually read my journal they can relate back or whatever.

I want to be cosmopolitan. I want to be healthy. I want to be someone who enjoys going to the gym and going jogging. I want to live in the city. I want to have hair that has a distinguishable colour. I want to have good thumb nails. I want to have fresh skin. I want to give up smoking. I want to travel. I want to drink martini's. I want to have approval. I want to have energy. I want to feel happy with who i am. I want to have a better relationships with people. I want to know how to control things that seem beyond my control. I want to be well read. I want to learn languages. I want to do a job i enjoy. I want to have eyes that arn't dead inside. I want to not want to cry most days. I want to not go to the White Horse anymore and drink myself into Oblivion. I want to go there and drink but be in control. I want to be at home and not feel lke seriously feel like cutting or scratching or pulling or starving or binging or any of the other stupid shit i've tried and failed before. I want to never ever try and overdose again, because as much as i want out, i know things can be made right. I want to be sophisticated. I want to not resent where i am from longing to be somewhere else. I want to make a difference. I want to feel like i've helped people. I want to walk through Stratford and not care who i see. I want to be taken seriously. I want to be nothing like i am now.

I'm selfish. I'm an obsessive appoval seeker. I'm a pushover. I'm a bitch. I'm lazy and unmotivated. I'm not friends with anyone from school except one. I'm tired and drained. I'm in a job i hate most of the time. I'm set on becoming a nurse or a social worker. I'm scared of going to uni because of what i could become. I'm scared i'll turn into what i used to be. I'm missing camp more than anything, i'm missing people right here who know that feeling. I'm scared of being nerdy or affectionate. I'm scared that if i'm cuddly i'll get turned down. I'm scared of looking vulnerable, but i'm more scared to stop acting like i'm not. I'm not going out of my way to even look presentable. I hate where i live more than anything. Period.

I want to be someone i like. And someone i trust.

I don't want a mother who thinks i'm on drugs and acts like she's disappointed in me this much. I want a Dad who doesn't remind me of some of the thing i'm going to turn into. An unhappy, work addicted person, with not many friends. Combined with not having much of a life, pushing away every single thing around me and resenting everything that ever happened to me rather than embracing it and turning it into a positive experience.

So, i propose this.

Someone out there must know who i'm feeling and how to start getting past it. Someone must understand and have some advice. Someone must be in the exact same position and want to quit smoking with me, or start a healthy eating plan. Someone must be able to point me in the right direction without making the impossible seem possible.

...I just have to find 'Someone.' And i'm sure as hell not about to find it in Ettington.

ER in a few. I'm getting waaaay back into it again, thank God. I thought after they butchered Samka i'd be an ER free, miserable git, but it's won me back onside. I bloody hope WaT can do the same thing.
Oh, and as for Masterchef goes Large..? Quite possibly the gayest, dorkiest, fucking most retarded show on TV and i'm addicted!!

mmmray @ 2007-02-03T17:04:00

2007-02-03T17:06:46Z

So how's about work threw a massive staff party for everyone last night, with a free bar?

I took way to much of an advantage of that.

Feel so rough.

Humph...

mmmray @ 2007-01-31T09:28:00

2007-01-31T09:36:45Z

I got a payrise!!! Squeeeeeeeee!!

It's like £1500 more than i got before and i found out my bonus if we make budgets is about £250, how awesome is that?! I'm seriously hoping that a new wage will make working there more bearable.

I went into work for dinner with some of the girls, Nic got hammered and my boss was like on his knee's instead of on his chair. They were both drinking Knob Creek, so you can imagine the conversation. I bumped into a client in the bathrooms who proceeded to tell me how much she loved Emma, Nic and I, how lovely we were and how the company exploited us. It was quite funny, i was trying so so hard to be convincingly sober, something which i'm known as being awful at!

Jamie's 21st was on the Thursday just gone, so i was there for like 3 days. It was more than effing great. The club was awesome, his friends are amazing, i got wicked photos, it was great! Then my lover from Scotland came over, she's a nutter who bought her passport thinking there was boarder control between Scotland and England. Dickhead. Jamie also convinvced me to start writing my Personal Statement again and apply to Uni - we were having this chat about me not liking some of the things this jobs makes me into being. Y'know, like a moneygrabber and all. But my statement sucks, so if anyone wants to Beta? - you're hired.

Katie and Hannah's birthday this Saturday...should be interesting. I don't really do high school girlfriends anymore. Put it down to bad experience. We'll see how it goes.

mmmray @ 2007-01-17T20:58:00

2007-01-17T21:07:23Z

I think i've been neglecting this journal a bit recently....which is strange since i used to be a bitch of a poster.

I'm so clueless with life right now, i think i described myself earlier as a 'walking wreck.' Works just...i love to work, nothing makes me happier than to be earning my own money, but that fucking company is a nightmare.
I had enough on Saturday night, of crying in the first five minutes of being there on extras hours to help out, of having people talk to me as if i've been an exec for months, when really i haven't even finished my training period, getting told that clients are going to 'rip my head off,' or worse, with taking into account that if i hadn't picked up these bookings from another collegue that bailed, then everyone would've been fucked.
I do extras hours, i get told not too, yet the whole company ethos is on teamwork? If i'm not supposed to do extra hours then the departments are short staffed yet they refuse to employ more, so what am i supposed to do, leave collegues and friends in the shit? I don't get paid for my own departmental overtime, i'm on a shit pay and working 60 hours for the price of 40. I've been in there 3 months or less and am second in command. I love my boss to pieces, but the company's based on shit. A big , fat pile of stinky shit! :-) The chat with two of the big bosses at work was supposed to help, but i've come out feeling like things are completely unresolved and i'm being taken for a fool.

I had my tarot cards read last night and about 4 times the lady told me that within the next 6 months i'd be out of the country working in a permenant job...the only thing i could think of was camp and i've not only told my boss there i'm not going back, i've also promised my boss at work i'm not. I don't know what i'm supposed to do. If i follow my head i'd stick it out and get to the big bucks...if i follow my heart i'd quit here and now and do a nursing or social work course, but when i have rent to pay because my Mum's retired it makes my decision so much more inclined to my head way of thinking.

I dunno. Like my icon says...'There's no escape.' I'm just gonna get drunk and figure it out some other time.

mmmray @ 2007-01-14T01:56:00

2007-01-14T02:00:40Z

Hiii journal!!

So, i had a great night tonight..as you may be able to tell i'm syill learning how to type on my new keyboard. I got fed the fuck up of my job tonight, and walked out. I think it was the right thing to do...but at the same time, i love the job. I just wasn't given a fair shot.

I'm supposed to be going for drinks with my boss tomorrow, we'll seehow that works out.

I can't be cased to write anymore...i want a good night's sleep before i get shitted over it! But Ettington Chase isn't the end of the world! x

mmmray @ 2007-01-10T21:30:00

2007-01-10T21:39:51Z

W-o-w, i just looked at the dating on my last post...November 9th?! My internet was broken for way longer than i remember, but finally, after mucho arguments with Tesco's they finally realised i was right, and they were wrong and sent me the bloody 'non-existant' broadband disc. So, just for clarification: 'I was right Tesco's!!!!!

I'm trying to think of everything that's happened since then. Work's gotten better and i still adore my boss, me and the big boss are getting on so much better, i was actually really upset when she announced her resignation last week, because in fairness she has taught me more than most. Jenna, Morgan and Lauren came over from America for New Year and we saw loads more friends from camp when we went to Scotland - it felt so good to be with those people again. They make me feel so at home. And snuggling with Laura Haxton at new year was a dream come true! :)

I'm fucking skint as per usual...i went out with a new record of 90p last night, and managed to get hammered....result! It did give me inspiration for something i've been thinking about for a while. Without saying what it is, i think it's kind of cool. I need your opinion on this one, Sweets!!!

I'm still working far too hard, i just got home from an 11 hour day, i think that's about my average now, but in some scenarios it's worth it, because, touch wood, my bookings are going ok at the moment.

I hope everyone had a wicked Christmas and New Year - i'm sooo squeeeee to have the Internet back.

Hmm...that makes me a little lame too!!

mmmray @ 2006-11-09T09:43:00

2006-11-09T09:43:20Z

Just a really quick update, because i have 5 minutes before i'm considered late for work.

The handbag was a fake, someone had hacked into the account and posted a fake handbag....which basically means some jackass has $100 from me because by the time e-Bay had notifed me i'd already paid for it. So now i have a claim with PayPal, the bank looking into it and a crappy handbag that i don't want.
Work's a killer, i do enjoy it but sometimes i feel like my boss hates me. She goes through phases, like you never know where you stand. It's a bit annoying. One minute she loves you and the next she's yelling at you for something tiny.

I do absolutely adore the two girls in my office though, they're wicked! I'm glad about that, because i could have an arsehole manager but i actually thik she's one of the best people e-v-e-r!!

Oh, and i got drunk last night. Stupid idea, as i'm not supposed to on my meds, but it just happened. So i feel like shit today. And it's all my own problem!!

mmmray @ 2006-11-07T22:59:00

2006-11-07T22:59:25Z

Day was busy. Stomach ulcer was a little less painful than it has been. I did some overtime. The usual.

Onto my point of posting...

Make Me a Supermodel

It has to be said, that i am apalled by Rachel Hunters comments to Jen on tonights 'Make Me a Supermodel.' To say that she is still overweight with a waist that is all of 29 inches, and to say it on national television was the dumbest shit she's ever spouted.
I understand than Jen signed up to be on this programme and that for some painful reason designers require models to look ill and malnourished, but really? There's no need to tell the poor girl that she wasn't making an effort to lose weight, no-one should be under the pressure to do that. Not with a million or so people watching.

I'm so mad at Rachel right now. And the producers. How can they not realise, that the majority of people watching that show are teen girls who in their wildest dreams would love to be models? Way to promote eating disorders Rach, hang on a second though, don't you have young kids of your own? Nice example. Especially from a ageing has-been.

If this girl needs to lose weight, what are the impressionable kids in this country going to think they should be doing?

I'm really sad that from what we go of the next episode, Jen's been fucking about with her body. We don't know whether she's been binging, purging, starving or taking pills. But if she's collapsing, it's not good. And that's from experience.
And she's not to blame. It's the case of another reality TV star biting the star studded dust.

mmmray @ 2006-11-01T16:26:00

2006-11-01T16:26:30Z

So, apparently, i'm not very well at all.

Something to do with stomach ulcers and stomach acid and other things that sound more gross than i want to think about. My symptoms of feeling sick, dizzy, shakey with stomach pains after every meal are classis signs, my doctor actually looked shocked that i hadn't know that. Yeah, because every 19 year old girl know the signs of Gastrit...whatever it is.
The result is that i have to take some shitty tablets, with that disgusting pink stomach medicine. Oh, and i'm not allowed to drink or smoke. That pissed me of a little it has to be said. Three weeks is a long time without either of those things, especially when you work under pressue and extra hours. Also, because i haven't eaten properly for about a week i have to eat little by little. I got a good rollicking when i told her i'd not been eating for 24 hours or so at a time because i was worried about being ill at work.

On the bright side of things, i think my friend Jenna from camp may be coming over for New Year which would be the shiznit.

Practically all of camp will be coming soon, we've recruited 3 in a week or so. Yay...and yay to me winning a Chloe handbag on e-Bay, then realising i already have about 7 brown leather bags. Smartarse.

mmmray @ 2006-10-28T22:28:00

2006-10-28T22:33:35Z

I lost my rag tonight.

It was great at the pub but i'm knackered so i called it a night early and came back to check up on my favourite website only to find stupid people replying to a stupid fucking post about baby names by some dickhead who talks out of their arsehole. So i left rip. I'm allowed to once in a while right?! I calmed myself for four months. Cut me some slack.

I'm mad that i can't even have a proper fucking night out anymore, because i'm sooooo tired all the time. I love my job, and ok i made time for my friends, so i guess that's good.
Like i said to my second mommy, i'm happy with life right now. Aside with being mentally knackered. I can safely say i love my job, my hours are more compatible and i'm good at it. I'm happy, but not with people who talk and believe bullshit.

Can't wait for the gym on Tuesday, take some annoyance out on the treadmill. I'm addicted to jogging, but i have to be inside and with music. I'm loving it!!

mmmray @ 2006-10-28T17:23:00

2006-10-28T16:34:07Z

So, tonight i'm going out dressed as a pirate. Not very halloweeney i know, but i was determind to be a fucking pirate, ooookay?!

It's payday on Monday and i couldn't be happier. Due to the following:

I owe money to-

My mum - £150
My Dad - £100
Topshop - £150
Langmans Dental Surgery - £40
White Horse Inn - £9
Vodafone - £40>

Yeah, so much of my wages will be spent paying people back or paying for stuff i actually need rather than shit i just want. I'm a careless spender, i admit, but i'm using my younger years to learn before i actually have to save and such.
I have been asked to go to Bristol next weekend to hang out with the girls i used to go school with. I'm thinking right now that it may not be such a good idea, as much as i would like to see people. Frankly there are a few i don't want to see and i think the feeling is probably mutual. Too much time has passed since silly arguments, and after all the time it took me to get over those crappy shinanigans i don't know if i want to risk rubbing salt in wounds that have just healed.

I have a big smile on my face because my friend Laura from camp has just called me which just made me so happy right now.

So i'm going to peace because i want to give her my full undivided attention! I love her!!

mmmray @ 2006-10-26T18:28:00

2006-10-26T18:36:24Z

It's a little lame for me to post since not much has been happening in my life.

I'm in a little predicament actually. Camp or work. Work or camp. Camp and seeing some of the people i love most in my life and having another amazing summer. Or work, and building a career from a job it turns out i'm actually pretty good at. *shrugs* But i'm sure i'll figure it out. I always do. I'm not gonna get mad about stuff like this anymore, i guess i figured out how to control my feelings.

Payday cannot come fast enough, let me tell you. I owe so much money to people, and did the stupid thing of going into £150 store credit in Topshop. I was not about to miss out on those boots though. They're an investment!!
The weekend is shaping up pretty nicely. My old dance teacher asked me to teahc little kids dancing, which sounds awesome and means i won't mess up my hips anymore than they are because i won't have to do anything too demanding, and god, i miss dancing so much. I went to a competition on Sunday to see the little kids from my dance school and they're doing so fantastically. I'm so proud of them, a 1st, 2nd and 3rd and taken by my school. Way to carry the chuffin flag!!

For the first time in ages i watched Without a Trace on Channel 4 on Monday, and even though i bought it up in this post, it was so chuffin dire, i don't want to discuss it anymore.

One more thing, before i bore you anymore: Eskimo_Jo....i'm am so, so glad you have brains. And see through bullshit. It makes me really happy.

mmmray @ 2006-10-19T20:20:00

2006-10-19T20:51:18Z

So as much as i've been going on about things that are different, i haven't really explained any of them. Figure out what this entry is going to be about...?!

INT's 2006 - The INT's of 2006 will forever have a special place in my heart. These are poeple that came from across the world to work at camp in New Jersey, and, i don't know how it happened but they just put the most perfect group of poeple together. Not perfect as in, we're amazing or anything, but perfect because we just clicked. It worked, and i am so happy that they're are good people like them all over the world. And it leads me onto seven of them, who are just such beautiful human beings. Carly, Laura, Jamie, Anthony, Matt, Bee and Dave and Kayla - They were our honourary INTs, born and bred in Medford Lakes with more International friends than i've had tuna sandwiches. These people made a huge impact on my life, i'd forgotton what's it's like to have proper friends who care about you and respect what you do. It changed my perspective on friendships, and as Kayla put it: 'It's ok to not be friends with who you were at school. You're allowed to move on. It's not the end of the world.'

And it wasn't.

Matthew - This kid is probably one of the most inspirational kids e-v-e-r. He ws born blind and partially deaf but is the cutest child i've come across. He recognises people purely by how they sound, so our accents fascinated him. He was just amazing, because he didn't let his sight impairment get in the way of him, his piece in the talent show was awesome. I was really proud. Every single child i worked closely with at camp moved me in one way or another.

New York - I managed to be in New York on the fifth anniversary of 9/11. Honestly, it was the most humbling experience of my life and i am forever going to remember the feelings that smacked me in the face. I sat and stared for a good two hours, just in shock that this terrible event had actually happened. Because alot of the time, things are so awful that you don't actually believe it can of happened. But it did.
I saw for two hours, hearing the names being read out of those who died and in that time they read through the surnames beginning with 'M' - 'S.' It was shocking. Later that night, myself and my cousin went to the Essex County viewpoint. The beams were beautiful, just two huge rays lighting up the sky. But perhaps, the thing that got me most and still makes me want to cry whenever i think of it, was a young mother who pointed at a name on the statue at the view point and whispered to her son: 'That was your Daddy, see his name?'

I just shake my head in disbelief whenever i think of it.

These are the three major things that have made me focus on what's important. And what's not. It's really cool, because people are noticing the difference. Me and Cameron had an awesome chat about things when i got home, he gave me so much advice about not being depressed that summer was over or slipping back and just to focus on it happening again.

So new stuff that's happened: well, i'm now a Conference Planning Executive at work, which is pretty cool. I'm seeing a really good guy, who makes me laugh my ass off and who has seen me at my worst hahaha. My house has turned into the UN with half the INT's back, 3 Aussies, a New Zealander, a Scottish girl and 3 English people. I'm not drinking like it's my job anymore, and i've learnt my limits. No more drugs, no more getting rat-shitted everynight. I promised too many people who mean the world to me that i'd get my act together.

And every time I think of you
I'll remember all the good times that we've had
And every time I sing this tune
I will laugh, I will cry, I will close my eyes
Cause I know that it won't be long

Until we sing, we will write
We will laugh away the night
And the good times will never end
When we meet again

And I'm gonna be somewhat lonely
Cause you know no one could ever fill your shoes
As iron sharpens iron
You have taught me how to be a stronger man
and I look forward to the day I'll learn again

We will sing, we will write
We will laugh away the night
And I know that it won't be long
Until we meet again

Though I wish that I were with you now
I know there's a reason for space
I can dream of memories you're writing down
And I look forward to that day
And the smile on your face

We will sing, we will write
We might cry and we might fight
And the good times will never end
We will laugh, we'll relax
We'll reflect on the years we've past
And I know that it won't be long
Until we meet again

The Leaving Song
Stephen Speaks

and so it begins...

2006-10-18T22:00:36Z

Fresh starts mean getting rid of old stuff and moving away from it. So that's what i've done.

New journal - new beginning. There were too many dumb things on my old journal that i'd prefer to forget. End of.

I started adding people i had previously back onto my friends list, if i've missed you out, i'm sorry. Let me know and if i don't add you back you'll know i did it intentionally! ;-) I'm excited about a new journal, i don't know. There's something about a whole new journal life that gives me a buzz, maybe because i know that it's going to be completely different from previous ones.

I've changed.

Alot.

And it's bloody marvellous. *smiles!*